The difference between power and respect

Well, I have officially lived through my first day of outright anger in Oxford. I should have taken advantage of my cloud-nine happy mood yesterday to post an update, but I didn't. Consequently, I missed my opportunity to gush about how I am now able to watch US television on my laptop and how Spurs played an amazing match against Wigan. Instead, I'm saddled with trying to explain why I came home today fighting the urge to throw my backpack through my window...not a feeling I get regularly, I assure you.

Honestly, today started off pretty well. I met up with OPP 2 for a cup of coffee and some poverty chat, which is always a nice way to begin the academic day. After the chat, I made my way over to the History Research Unit - I'm currently in the process of converting the parish registers I have on microfiche to digital images I can burn onto CDs and the Research Unit is the only place with the necessary technology. Anyway, it's a trek out of City Centre to get to the Unit - about 20 minutes on foot. Usually, no problem, but by the time I was done with coffee it had begun to rain, so after the 20 minute walk I was soaked. Still, having lived in rainy areas for the last 7 years, I wasn't phased. Rain happens, and frankly I think it looks good on me. ;-) It wasn't until after I had settled into my scanning/saving routine at the Unit that events began to go sour.

To make a long story short, there was another person in the Unit working on his research and after a couple of hours he asked me what I was scanning. We struck up a very nice conversation about our research and where I am from in the States (he's also American, but has lived here for several years). Then, somehow we started talking about the cultural differences between England and the US. The next thing I know, I had gotten myself into a diametrically opposed debate on gender-stereotyping and gender issues here versus in the States. He was adamantly saying that women hold the power in relationships here and do so without having to be "gender neutral" as they often are in the States. On the other hand, I was saying that the "power" women hold in relationships here tends to be (as he conceded) gained through gender-stereotyped methods of manipulation and passive-aggression. Furthermore, even though many English women may dictate the "rules" of their relationships, the fact remains that this "power" is not a reflection of their partners' respect. It is a reflection of ingrained gender-stereotypes where women "dictate" and men "commiserate" over their missus' dictatorial reigns down at the pub.

To see these situations as women being "empowered" (as he put it) through their ability to wield gender-stereotypes to gain control, is to miss the entire point behind the idea of gender equality. Gender equality is not about power it is about respect - and having one does not necessarily give you the other. Unfortunately, that concept seemed lost on my debating opponent.

And people wonder why I remain happily single...